"The new availability of huge amounts of data, along with the statistical tools to crunch these numbers, offers a whole new way of understanding the world. Correlation supersedes causation, and science can advance even without coherent models, unified theories, or really any mechanistic explanation at all."
Who really wants the truth anyway? Clearly only intellectuals and academics with way too much time on their hands. In other words: losers.
And you want to win right? The world today is awash in information. Yet how can you find the answer you want in that ocean?
Millions of consulting firms will analyze your data and glean insight for you. Yet who really wants to deal with all that statistical mumbo jumbo? We'll spare you all that "math" and get right to what you want: results.
Want to prove a point? We'll find just the fact or figure to fit your argument, and for a premium, we'll even generate an authoritative sounding data source to say whatever you require.
Want pretty graphic so you can crush the opposition? We offer arbitrary two axis qualitative graphics that'll position your product / organization / service right where it needs to be: at the top right.
Want your biases confirmed? Take a look at our psuedostatistics services. We'll be sure to cherry pick the correct data to get the answer you want, or better yet for the right price we'll get our crackerjack team right to work generating the "right" data.
And folks honestly that's just the beginning. We've got big plans for this firm, big plans we say.